Lotus in the Mudd

I have learned the greatest lesson lately.  For years I have been struggling with my personal boundaries with people.  Normally other people's expectations and feelings and needs would spill over onto me and I would take them on as something of my own to deal with, always feeling like I needed to do something for them or just felt obligated to them.  I have started saying no to more and more activities and involvements with people and at first I had terrible anxiety that it would upset this or that person and they would take it personally.  That is just another layer to it isn't it.  That I would be thinking about how that person would feel according to my response.  Then I realized something.  That is their responsibility,  not mine.  How they feel is not under my control.  So.  .   .   after exercising my right to say no, if I felt those inner pangs ( my concience )  telling me that something about this situation is something I don't need to be involved in,  I started getting my sense of self back.  I started having more time to nurture myself and really check in to how I am!  It has been the most wonderful feeling and experience.  I always saw those moments of repose in my mind but I never knew how it was going to happen for me.  There just never seemed to be enough time in the day.  Now I know.  I just wasn't setting clear Personal Boundaries with people.  Now when people ask me to do things or get involved with this or that, I really check in with myself first to see if it is really something that I need to do, and I say no  confidently.  AND I let peole react how they are going to react without worrying so much.  I do take the time to let peole know that it is nothing personal but it is what I have to do for me, for now.